Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize