Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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