omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
