I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
