The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
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A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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