My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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