Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
