Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
