just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
