That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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