I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
