The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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