just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
So many bounce houses so little time
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
