Are we in a gay sports bar?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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