help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Is Oprah even human
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
