I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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