You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
