the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
