it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
