She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
