The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
