I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
