saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
