There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
My breasts were aching with rage.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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