what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
