Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
