my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
