I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
