KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
