we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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