You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
