Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
