I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
