You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
