He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
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She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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