There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
