whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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