Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
