Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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