i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
