TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
