"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
