I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
