I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
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The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
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This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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