3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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