i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
