moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
