I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
