So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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