Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
