I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize