hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
