Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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