only you would photoshop your dick
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
