Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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