sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
