The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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