ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Randomize
