Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My dick has a subreddit
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
