You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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