Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
