Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
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I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
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DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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