Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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