dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm just crazy horny about you
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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