I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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