wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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