take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
