There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
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