Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize