Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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