You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
