Umm I'm too high to move.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Randomize
