so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
