you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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