he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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