I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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